The other day I shared with you Contradiction #1 of trying to conceive during the coronavirus. If you missed it, you can catch up here.
Before I tell you about Contradiction #2, I want to be clear: I am not a medical practitioner and I am not giving medical advice. In this series we’re focusing on the mental and emotional struggles of being on the fertility journey in these unprecedented times.
If you’ve been advised by your medical practitioner not to get pregnant, because doing so would put you or your baby at risk, then follow that advice.
In Canada, while clinics are closed and treatments have been put on hold or cancelled indefinitely, couples are not being discouraged from trying to conceive naturally. In fact, some of the women I’m hearing from feel safe and even more at ease with trying right now. That might not be the case where you live or in your personal situation. It's important to make your own informed decisions given the medical advice given to you.
Now let's continue…the second contradiction of TTC during the coronavirus is about being alone vs. feeling alone.
When you’re on the fertility journey, it’s really hard not to feel like the odd one out.
It feels like everyone around you is getting pregnant without even trying.
Pregnant baby bellies are everywhere — when you go to work, when you walk down the street, when you sign onto social media.
It gets to a point where you stop logging into Facebook and Instagram to avoid seeing pregnancy announcements and newborn baby pics.
Then there are the gender reveals and the baby showers and the family get-togethers it takes everything in you not to bail on at the last minute. (That’s if you didn’t make something up to avoid accepting the invitation in the first place.)
So if you’ve been trying to conceive for many months or years, you know what it’s like to isolate yourself from friends and family and to feel alone.
Here’s where Contradiction #2 of trying to conceive during the coronavirus becomes so important:
Being alone is not the same as feeling alone.
You’ve already been feeling alone.
Often it feels like even your partner doesn’t fully share your grief and pain. Which doesn’t mean they’re not understanding — it just seems it’s easier for them to manage their emotions than it is for you.
So now that you don’t actively need to avoid people or parties because forced isolation is the current norm…do you actually feel a bit relieved?
That’s what I’m hearing from many of my clients: that during these uncertain times, they feel like they can breathe again.
It feels paradoxical because here we are in the middle of a global pandemic. There’s a lot of uncertainty, anxiety, and very real suffering.
And yet some women are feeling like they finally have much-needed permission to stop, to rest, to stay home, to be, to feel whatever it is that they are feeling.
You actually are alone now, instead of just feeling alone.
Your outward reality matches your inner reality. And there can be real peace in that, a sense of release, letting go of expectations, letting go of trying to be anything you’re not.
Which is not to say that being alone isn’t at times lonely and hard.
Hopefully — unless one or both of you is an essential worker — you are isolating with your partner and not completely alone.
But what I want you to consider is that this newfound time, space and solitude offers an opportunity.
The opportunity to go deep inside yourself and reconnect with your own desires, your own needs, and your own dreams.
In this time of solitude, there are rich gifts of self-connection for you to discover…gifts that may never have revealed themselves in the constant on-the-go grind of everyday life surrounded by friends, family, and coworkers.
What you do with that gift of solitude can set you forth on a whole new fertility path, one where you feel good inside, even during a pandemic!
Next I'll share Contradiction #3 of trying to conceive during the coronavirus.
I’ll address what your choices are when it seems like you’re out of options, especially if you’ve exhausted the list of treatments your fertility doctor has offered up OR the protocol you were signed up to do is on hold indefinitely.
You still have choices.