Going to India helped me to essentially ‘fall apart’. Before leaving Toronto, I already felt broken in so many places. My business, my love life, the teacher who I studied under, none of them had supported me in the kind and gentle way I yearned for. In fact, they had all treated me with the ugliness of a tyrannical dictator, essentially tearing down my self-esteem and cracking the whip against my ego.
The wisdom of my broken heart has helped me see, this meanness from the world around me is a reflection of how I tend to treat myself. Even though I know better, and I even know how to do it differently, the legacy of the Ugly Dictator lives inside me. And he lives inside you too.
You’ll recognize him as the much meaner cousin of the Inner Critic. He makes you work without listening to your limits, he makes you ignore your own needs, he tells you to do more, faster, harder and then he tells you it’s not enough. He tells you your emotions don’t count and that your intuition isn’t valuable. He convinces you that there is no time, and especially no time for you to feel, to listen, or to be with your dear heart. He wants you to operate only from the paradigm of the logical, rational and sequential without any thought to how you feel about anything. He’s responsible for your converting from human-being to human-doing.
Creating the Body Prayer for a Broken Heart has helped me take a bold step: I choose to overthrow the Ugly Dictator and replace his whip-cracking legacy with tenderness, with compassion and with the deep love I yearn for. My heart is guiding me towards a kinder, gentler way because if I want to be in love, to be in union, then the first place for me to start is with myself.
And the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Last weekend we experienced the Super Full Moon which coincided with Lunar Beltane. Beltane (which happened on May 1st) is an ancient Celtic festival where women and men would dance around the ‘Maypole’ weaving the masculine and feminine energies of life and love, hope and expectation. It was celebrated as the coming together of the masculine and feminine creative energies through physical union and love.
Beltane got me meditating on this Sacred Union. We all hold the natural polarities of the receptive, nurturing feminine and the active, expressive masculine. The question is how healthy and full are our expressions of yin and yang? Are we able to be caring, fluid and creative as well as being clear, direct and effective? For me bringing these aspects of feminine and masculine energy, the moon and the sun, the yin and the yang, the Goddess and God into balance is the Sacred Union and starts from how I treat myself daily and by extension how I behave in the world.
Since there are still a couple of weeks before the Body Prayer for a Broken Heart goes on sale in our Meditation Shop, I’d like to share a Meditation for Love that I posted earlier this month in honour of Lunar Beltane and the merging of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine.
Zahra Haji is a modern day Goddess – really! She’s also a certified Yoga Teacher specializing in Women’s Health and the Director and Founder of Yoga Goddess. Through yoga, meditation and educating women about their cycles and bodies Yoga Goddess reconnects women to their own innate wisdom and sensual, feminine beauty. Our practices are all designed to awaken, uplift and inspire the goddess within, giving students greater peace and passion – and that gorgeous yoga glow!